Dealing with a Flirtatious Partner

Flirting is a fun, social and healthy human behavior. It is a way we introduce our existence to others, express our self-confidence and let others know that we find them attractive. Even though it is an overall harmless behavior, flirtation seems to be a problem in most relationships. People find it offensive and disrespectful, as well as causing them to feel jealous. There are ways you can deal with your partner’s flirtatious ways without having to end the relationship or argue on a regular basis, by understanding the reasons and meanings behind your partner’s flirting.

Okay, so you would rather have your partner not flirt at all. This may be what you want, but not necessarily what you are going to get. We all want to feel special and like we are the only one our lover has eyes for, but the truth is, your partner’s eyes have a right to explore whatever or whoever it is around them, as do you. Being in a relationship never means that you own your partner or can start changing things about them, which is why it is so essential that you study your partner’s personality, attitudes and habits while you are still in the dating process and before you decide to have an official relationship.

What you should focus on is the reasons behind your partner’s flirting. It could very well just be that your partner carries a high and self-confident personality, and chooses to express that confidence through flirting, as many people do. If this is the case, then you were probably already aware of your partner’s confidence when you met him or her, but just grew less fond of it as you grew more emotionally attached. In these cases, it would be best to get in touch with your own self-confidence to prevent insecurity, and learn to accept your partner’s personality.

Maybe your partner’s flirting has a deeper meaning behind it other than just a high self-esteem. Unfortunately, sometimes our partners will flirt because they really are attracted to other people and it could damage your relationship, depending on how much it bothers you. Being attracted to other people does not necessarily mean that your partner wants to go and cheat on you with all those people. Being attracted to others could mean that your lover is simply acknowledging the good looks that another person carries and stops it at that point. Attraction does not always create a temptation to cheat and you should allow your security to grow on this fact.

If the flirting truly bothers you and you find that you cannot continue a relationship that includes such behavior, then the best thing you could ever do is be straightforward with your partner. Having an honest and open discussion about it will be of much more help instead of you just getting angry and bottling up your feelings and blowing up later down the road when you have reached the ultimate limit. Tell your partner that you feel disrespected and hurt when he or she pays attention to other women or men. Asking them why they feel the need to flirt will also paint a clearer picture for you, with a clear answer from them of course. Without giving your lover ultimatums, tell him or her that you have tried to adapt to it but just cannot and you would love it if the two of you could meet somewhere in the middle.

You teach people how to treat you and the relationship, and by keeping quiet over the things that bother you, like flirtation, you will only cheat yourself and your partner from experiencing a relationship you both deserve. It is obligatory that you always continue to be honest with yourself and your lover about the feelings you feel and thoughts you think. Sometimes you will not always get the results you were hoping for. Perhaps your partner will never stop flirting with other people, and though you cannot change your partner’s personality and habits, you can change a situation that causes you unhappiness.

As the person who has committed to be in a relationship with you, your partner should always care about how you feel and think about the things that transpire in your relationship. They would never want to continue doing anything that would make you upset, disappointed, jealous or insecure in any way. This means the flirting as well. Your partner cannot change who they are, but they can show their interest and care about how you feel and can put in the best effort they can to make you feel better. Still, if they refuse to change or try to lessen their flirtatious activities, then perhaps it is time you re-think of whether or not this is the right relationship for you.

Dealing with a flirtatious partner can be easy or it can be extremely stressful and damaging to your self-esteem. It all depends on your personality as well. To determine what is best for you, you must get in touch with yourself and ask the questions necessary for you to find the best answers. If you do not want to lose your partner but do not like the flirting, then you need to make a choice to either learn to accept this side of his or her personality, or exit the relationship and find someone who will not arouse your jealousy and insecurity. Only you have the power to take control of what you will and will not take in a relationship.

╰⊰⊹✿Should I Leave This Relationship?╰⊰⊹✿

How do you know when it’s time to say goodbye to a relationship? In any intimate relationship-especially in a marriage-it’s not a good idea to let a doomed partnership drag on, simply to avoid the pain of a breakup.

Signs of Trouble

There are some warning signs that your relationship is in trouble. If you recognize any of these signals in your own partnership, you may have some work to do to get things back on track.

1. Your life priorities have changed significantly. Major life changes often force people to reconsider what’s important, and this can make a once-healthy partnership lose its bearings. A near-death experience such as a serious accident or illness, being unexpectedly fired from a job, or losing a family member can cause anyone to reevaluate his or her life and decide to make some changes. Everything looks different after such an experience, and some things lose their meaning. When this happens, these new ways of seeing things must be addressed, since it’s unlikely that such changes will just disappear.
2. The arrangement still works, but the passion is missing. Lots of doomed relationships manage to work-for a while. But when neither partner has any genuine enthusiasm for the relationship, it may be in trouble.
3. You no longer trust your partner. After a partner has broken the bond of trust, it can be difficult to get it back. If your partner has had an affair or was irresponsible with a large amount of money, it is understandable that you feel angry and hurt. Over time, these wounds may not heal. Broken trust can cause serious harm to a relationship, and, if it is not healed, the relationship may not recover.
4. Your partner’s lifestyle or values clash with yours. It is difficult to sustain a long-term relationship when you and your partner do not agree on some of life’s most basic things. If you want to make and save a lot of money, but your partner seeks a simple life and would be happy living in a small house with few luxuries, this is a potential problem. If your partner seeks excitement and wants to be around people most of the time but you are basically a loner who prefers solitude, you may find yourselves growing apart. You may have been attracted to each other in the beginning because you brought each other some balance, but, over the long term, the very things that drew you to each other may doom your relationship.

Deciding to end a relationship can have enormous implications. If you are married, have children, own a home, and share finances, leaving your partner can be very complicated and will affect everyone in the family. It is important to make such a decision thoughtfully and for the right reasons.

More Warning Signs

If your partner regularly does one or more of the following things, you have good reason to be concerned.

1. Behaves abusively with your friends and family
2. Betrays your trust
3. Breaks promises
4. Cheats on you
5. Does not challenge you mentally
6. Does not support your goals in life
7. Is extremely jealous without cause
8. Is not financially self-supporting
9. Opposes or ignores your thoughts, feelings, or concerns
10. Physically abuses you
11. Pressures you to have sex when you are not interested
12. Resists your attempts to improve the relationship
13. Shares your secrets with others
14. Tells lies regularly
15. Threatens violence
16. Tries to isolate you from your friends and family
17. Verbally abuses you or puts you down

These behaviors are very serious and potentially dangerous to you. If you are in a relationship with someone who treats you in any of these ways, you should seriously consider seeking the assistance of a mental health professional.

The Impact of Stress

Stress can make it harder to decide what to do. If you are questioning your relationship and have problems with money, are stressed at work, or the kids are acting up, deciding what to do becomes even more difficult. It’s important to take your time and resist the temptation to make a fast decision that may later turn out to be the wrong thing for you.

Tips for Making Good Relationship Decisions:

1. Take your time making any important decision such as whether to end an important relationship. Even though you may feel confused and indecisive, it is important to recognize that this situation requires a deliberate and careful decision-making process.
2. Making a relationship decision calls for both instinct and logic. It’s important to trust your gut, but don’t lose track of reason.
3. Look at the issues from different points of view.
4. Consider the immediate and long-term implications of each option (staying or leaving), including the impact of each on other people in your life.
5. Consider the worst- and best-case scenarios, as well as the possibilities in between.
6. Give your relationship every chance to get back on track before you call it quits. Ask yourself if you have really tried everything. If you have, and it still isn’t working, it may be time to move on.

Seeking Advice and Support

Involving a few trusted friends in your decision-making process can help you avoid the tendency to rush into a decision and hurry to get it over with. Consulting others helps you step back from the situation and see it in a broader context. While it is more difficult and time-consuming, getting the advice and support of others can help you reach a better decision about whether to end the relationship. This is true for relationships or any other kind of decision.

You may decide to work with a professional counselor or therapist during this process. This is strongly advised if you are in an abusive relationship. A licensed, experienced professional can help you sort out the issues, help you see things you may not be aware of, and give you feedback on how you are seeing things. Involving an objective outsider can be a smart move because you can feel free to say everything that is on your mind without worrying about offending someone you care about or being judged for your thoughts and feelings.

Finally, if you decide that the relationship should end, minimize the chances for emotional fallout by planning how, where, and when you will deliver the news. When making such an important change in your life, it is better to set aside spontaneity in favor of being slow, deliberate, and certain.

Why Should I Forgive YOU?

It’s practically impossible to go through life without being hurt by somebody. Most of us humans have a hard time letting go of such injuries and carry these scars of pain, resentment and anger with us for months, years, or even a lifetime.

Forgiveness can be a difficult concept to understand. I often hear, “If I forgive her, then she got away with what they did”. Or, “Forgiving him would mean I accept what he did to me.” My response to this: “So, not to forgive is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn’t do to you) and expecting them to die!”

In reality, forgiveness is not letting the person of the hook for what they did or didn’t do, it’s releasing the barbed hook that continues to cause you pain and suffering so your wound can heal. Forgiveness is one of the greatest acts of self love you can do.

Think about it…Anger, resentment and pain take a lot of energy. When there’s more energy going out than coming in, you are operating from an energy deficit. This sets you up for depression, disease, and/or chronic physical pain. If you are continuing to harbor “ill feelings” towards someone, who are you really hurting? YOU! So, I ask you, is this person worth all this energy you continue to give them?

Now you might be asking, “OK, I understand that forgiveness is something I do for me and my own healing, but how do I go about forgiving someone if all if feel is anger and pain when I think about this person? The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a perfect tool to use to get you to a place of forgiveness.

EFT can collapse the energy disruptions that trigger the emotional toxins when tuned into the hurtful event. When you no longer feel angry and resentful, you can gain objectivity and emotional distance from the event. This clarity will often lead you to a new perspective. Mostly pain begets pain. Whenever you have been the one who has been the source of pain for someone else, it is because you were in pain, right? When you recognize the person who hurt you must have been hurting terribly themselves, forgiveness comes much easier.

The Signs of a Troubled Relationship

The pattern is all too common. One moment your relationship is riding a wave of warmth, love and intimacy. But the next moment coldness, anger and blame creep in.

What is happening? Is it something that signals a serious underlying problem, or is it just the natural ebb and flow that accompanies the cycles of love?

Often we are too close to really understand what we’re going through. But we recognize that we need help. But then, just as we decide to move in that direction, we decide to put it off. This yo-yo pattern repeats itself and we are once again at a loss to explain what is going on.

How do you know when your love life is on a crash course? For starters, there are common signs that can be clues. Once you identify them, you’re on the road to better understanding.

The common signs of a troubled relationship are:

1. Decrease in sexual passion
2. Bickering
3. Avoidance
4. Jealousy
5. Depression
6. Less time spent together
7. Anxiety
8. Dependency
9. Manipulation of family members

1. Decrease Sexual Passion

There is a natural waxing and waning of passion that occurs in every relationship, but what we’re talking about here is something else. While stress, fatigue and other pressures can creep between the sheets, there is no place for anger. When you find yourself shut down to your partner’s advances, it’s time to pay attention.

2. Bickering

In order for your love to stay fresh and healthy, you must be able to talk about both simple and complex feelings. When bickering replaces conversation, nothing gets addressed and nothing gets resolved. Instead, tension builds and a power battle takes over. Anger and blame follow.

3. Avoidance

Like it or not, straight talk is healthy. Without it, you will lose your boundaries and values. We all have to stand up for something even when it is not received the way we had hoped. Real differences in a partnership don’t have to cause problems, especially when they are explored with respect. When you remain silent and stoic, and keep everything below the surface, repressed feelings become part of a toxic brew. Eventually they take on a life of their own.

4. Jealousy

You have to be careful about this warning sign. It’s confusing. Jealousy is a complicated emotion. It can mean many different things. The type of jealousy I’m referring to is unfounded jealousy, not jealousy that comes from watching a flirtatious partner about to make a conquest. Unfounded jealousy is something that appears without warning and disturbs the equilibrium of a relationship. This type of jealousy appears out of nowhere and can have little to do with infidelity. It is often a reflection of the loss of self- esteem and a deep sense of insecurity on the part of either you or your partner.

5. Depression

I have seen many people come into my office with depression. For the most part, they can’t figure out why they are feeling like this. They say they have a good life, and a solid relationship. But as they talk, they realize that many things are missing in their love life, things they don’t want to look at. Why? Because they fear that if they face the truth, that ultimately, they might wind up alone. They think they are better off not knowing. But in order to break the cycle of depression, one must be honest. As one patient told me, “Truth is my friend, it will guide me in a good direction.”

6. Less Time Spent Together

When is enough time together enough? Well, that depends a lot on your needs. Finding the balance between love, responsibility and other demands creates a continuous juggling act. We all experience that. But an abrupt shift in shared time patterns could be a warning sign that something is out of whack. Too much separation and not enough shared activities can create a void, making intimacy difficult to experience.

7. Anxiety

I think of anxiety as a warning sign in much the same way that I think of depression. A sudden increase in anxiety or a change in sleep patterns can indicate that there is an unresolved issue lurking in your unconscious that needs to be exposed. Since relationships are so important in life, there’s a big chance that anxiety is a red flag indicating that some aspect of your partnership needs to be examined.

8. Dependency

When you’re too dependent, the fundamental partnership is out of balance. If there’s too much dependency, a natural resentment brews. One person is likely to feel burdened, the other frightened by their neediness. It’s a “no win” situation. Equality is tossed out the window. The one in power often feels unappreciated and undervalued. The needy one frequently feels disappointment. Resentment grows and both partners feel judged.

9. Manipulation of Family Members

When you begin to manipulate and clutch at your children or others, your partner can easily be marginalized. A wedge can occur. Low-level family warfare can result. This can happen not only with children but with other family members, friends and even business colleagues. The result is that you and your partner are at odds.

I recognize the problem, now what can I do about it?

Relationships are enormously complex. There are no easy answers. Sometimes it may feel that it is too late, but in my practice, I’ve watched relationships flourish on very parched soil. Most issues can be resolved by honest dialogue and open conversations — conversations that require you to leave all your “ammunition” behind.

Dealing With Jealousy

Jealousy is one of the most destabilizing of all emotions. It can be defined as a person’s fears and anxieties around attention that they think is being given to or received by the one who is dear and important to them.

Most of the people experience the natural feeling of jealousy at some point in their lives when it comes to romance. Some people feel it more strongly than others and some even suffer from the feeling to the extent that jealousy starts consuming them. In some cases the feeling is justified and in others it is not. Frankly speaking, jealousy is a poisonous emotion, both for the person experiencing it and for their partner.

Jealousy is usually considered as a single, independent emotion, but in reality it is a whole bundle of feelings that interconnect with each other such as anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, anxiety, mania, paranoia, sadness, agitation, depression, loneliness, envy, coveting, feeling powerless, feeling excluded and so on.

For the most part, jealousy is a byproduct of one’s own problems with self-confidence and self-esteem. It is also about a deep fear of the unknown and of change, fear of being abandoned and of losing power or control in a relationship, and also the fear that the needs will not be met. Jealous people feel often very insecure and anxious about their worthiness, feeling that they might not be good enough for the other partner. They may feel threatened by good looks of other people comparing them to their own selves and worrying that the other part might leave them at any time. Whatever the reason is that caused jealous emotions, whether justified or not, the feeling can become a huge factor in disconnection between couples.

Being in a relationship with someone who is very jealous, is very hard as in many cases it turns out that along with the jealousy suddenly comes control. Jealous partner wants to control everything the other part does, where they go, and who they communicate with. Sometimes extreme jealousy can also lead to sexual or physical violence. Violence will be harder to control as the relationship progresses, so if it started reaching dangerously high levels, it would be the best to break up, or if that is not manageable at that point, then there is a need to seek for help as soon as possible.

Jealousy can also easily become an obsession in both men and women. Someone who is being consumed by paranoid jealousy constantly draws in mind pictures and imagines situations where their partner is betraying them, and cheating on them. As a result, they always manage to convince themselves that the partner has done something not proper and humiliating for them. These endless suspicions are poisonous and can be fatal for any relationship. Very often another part gets sick and tired of constant accusations and suspicions, especially when the jealousy is unjustified, and leave the relationship.

So, how is it possible to prevent these ugly thoughts from appearing and from flooding one’s mind at all? The best thing to start with is to start communicating your feelings with your partner. It is important to ask them why they have chosen especially you and also tell them openly that you love them. You may want to explain also that because they are so important to you, you are feeling jealous and insecure about the relationship. There is a great chance that your partner will reassure you of the fact that he/she is in a relationship with you because of feelings for you only and not someone better to come along.

Never feel in a negative way about yourself and certainly do not talk negatively about yourself. Self confidence is always respected by others and if you constantly keep thinking about positive things when negative feelings start invading you, a habit of doing so will be eventually developed in you.

It is a very bad thing when one of the partners tries to control the relationship. One person cannot control the other person as everyone has a mind and understanding of their own. If there is a feeling that the person cannot be trusted until you know everything they do, who they meet with, who they talk to, where they are, all the time, then either they are not worth trusting and will betray in any case, or your jealousy and paranoia will break the relationship. If your partner does things that you do not accept, it is always better to talk to them and let them know about your concerns, suspicions and pain, rather than spy and demand anything through fights and hysteria.

In addition to being a partner to the person you love, try to be their trustworthy friend as well. If the other part realizes and understands that they can trust you completely in any aspect, then the relationship is more likely to be much healthier and stronger and reasons for feeling jealous will subside, and eventually even disappear.

35th

Happy 35th Bimsary to us pangga!

I cannot explain how happy I am to have you here with me.I always thank God for having you… I will always be your baby angel, your bimbim, now and forever…Love you!♥

Forgiveness Affirmation - Forgive for Your Own Sake!

Before you can truly get the good that you desire, the good that God intends for you … before you can get that good into your mind …

You are going to have to clear your mind of a lot of hatreds and ‘hurtreds’ that are keeping you from your blessings …

You are going to have to FORGIVE!

And you forgive that person who hurt you — not for his or her sake — but for the sake of your OWN mental and physical health and well-being!

Forgiveness is rooting up and letting go of the self-destructive emotions of anger and resentment and hurt.

When you forgive you stop holding something against somebody else.

Forgiveness is for your own sake!

Many times people think that forgiveness is something that you do for other people or to other people. But forgiveness is what you do for yourself!

That’s why I tell you, don’t carry anger, don’t carry resentment, don’t carry ‘hurtred’ nor hatred.

Some of you wonderful people, you wouldn’t dare hate anybody.

You say, “Roefan I don’t hate, but I’m hurt.”

Well, let me tell you, ‘hurtred’ is just as dangerous as hatred.

Yes, some of you are carrying around ‘hurtred’. And that will do you just as bad as hatred — because, you see, if you carry with you the emotion of being hurt, you will draw more hurt.

If you are easily offended, you will keep drawing people to you who will keep offending you. You go around feeling hurt. “Oh, I’m so hurt.”

And you’ll draw more hurt, and you’ll go around like that song, “Why is Everybody Always picking on me?”

So, you see, you’re not just simply doing the other person a favor by forgiving him or her, the first person you do a favor for by forgiving is yourself.

“Okay, Roefan, everyone keeps saying “forgive, forgive”, but no one tells me HOW to do it!”

Well I’m telling you exactly how to do it.

This Forgiveness Affirmation Works

Right here and right now, repeat the following ‘Forgiveness Affirmation’ out loud as many times as you need to:

Insert the name of each person you wish to forgive … AND don’t JUST say the words … … FEEL the words, use your emotions, act it out in the theater of your mind … … until you convince yourself that you mean it!

Now say the following:

“I now forgive you, (name of person), for all hurts and harm that you have done to me. I GLADLY forgive you, (name of person). I forgive you intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I GLADLY let go of all anger and hostility, and choose to see you through eyes of love and compassion. I bless you, (name of person)! I wish you health, happiness, prosperity and ALL the blessings of life! I am FREE, and you are FREE! It is a MARVELOUS FEELING!”

Remember, you must FEEL this — – act it out with your voice and body — throw your hands in the air — do whatever you must do to ‘get the feeling”. And if those hurt, angry thoughts about the person come back later — you may have to repeat this affirmation many times — until your subconscious mind becomes re-programmed from anger to love!

I guarantee it will work — if YOU work it.

And the next time you see that person, you are going to be amazed. You will feel and act differently and they will react differently towards you! Or, if that person is distant or deceased, you will experience a new peace of mind regarding that person. They will be free — and YOU will be free!

11 Secrets to keep on mind …

When you’re in that initial honeymoon stage, it can be easy to think you should tell him everything in preparation for your perfect life together. But here are 11 things you should definitely keep to yourself!

1. That you dislike his mother …

Even if he is currently angry at his Mom, it’s never a good idea to get involved, as they will definitely make up. Comfort him, and listen to him, but keep your opinions to yourself. His Mom is important to him, so knowing you don’t like her could undermine your whole relationship.

2. Never tell him his friends made a pass at you …

He’ll have to confront them, or things will be awkward, and if the friend swears he didn’t it could cause even more problems. Politely decline and keep quiet, unless he becomes a repeat offender.

3. Been unfaithful in the past?

Keep it to yourself, or you’ll worry him. If he believes you’ve done it before, male friends and nights out will be even more risky, and he’ll automatically trust you less. Learn your lesson, and keep quiet.

4. Don’t tell him that your best friend is cheating …

He’ll start to presume that you discuss tactics, or that you’re cheating too. Act like infidelity is equal with murder, and you’ll cause a lot less suspicion.

5. Don’t criticise his body …

He might not look as young as he used too, but neither do you, and if he is still making an effort then you’re doing well.

6. Believe in him …

When everyone else is doubting him, you have to be the one person who actually believes that he will achieve his dreams, and outperform everybody else..

7. And if you don’t, pretend you do …

This will at least give him the confidence and drive to work harder, so that he doesn’t let you down.

8. Don’t threaten to leave …

He’ll start to feel that you are just waiting for an excuse, so keep this for times that you really are thinking of leaving, or it’ll stop having any effect.

9. Don’t let that earning more than him bother you …

Or it’ll bother him ten times more. He will already be struggling to handle this, so knowing that you think it makes him less of a man too will push him over the edge. Keep any bitchy comments in your head, and if you have to talk about it, confide in a trusted friend.

10. Don’t confess to crushes …

You’d be upset if he constantly pointed out other people he’d love to get into bed, so don’t do it to him. That way he won’t get jealous, and you’ll be free to enjoy your crush without feeling guilty or upsetting him.

11. Never tell your man how many people you’ve slept with …

Keep the number small, but make sure you remember it. Sleep with too many and you’ll no doubt go down in his opinion, too little and he’ll know you’re lying. Pick a small number and flatter his ego.

So edit the truth a little, and keep him, and your relationship happy.

Have you ever told a boyfriend something you shouldn’t, or do you have any advice for others who have? Share it with me!

exercise for today….

Fresh Fish

I got a new home?

I currently hired by Teletech as a Costumer Service Rep.
Under the account of HHO,I really didn’t know what you mean by that.
But it still under the HP printer account, I believe we are going to sell loptops and all HP products.
I haven’t resign from 1&1 yet but I already told my supervisor about it.
I am not sure if I can make it here in Teletech.
I still on Accent and Communication English Training.
I attend the Teletech University during 12 am to 8am, just imagine the time schedule.
The exercises are too challenging, I hope I can pass the exams.
whew!
I don’t know if Teletech will be my second home after 1&1.
But I am here for 1 purpose, I need to earn a living.
This is for my beloved Rai Matieusz.

“Some seek knowledge for the sake of knowledge – and that is curiosity. Some seek knowledge that they may be known to have knowledge – and that is vanity. Some seek knowledge that they may give to others their knowledge – and that is charity.”