Feb
06
Posted by admin
One should always keep in mind the fact, that love is the most important factor for a relationship to last till the end. It could be said in other words that every relationship demands love. A far as the term, Love Hate Relationship, is concerned, it is important to note that this term can be used to define all those kinds of relationships, where the couple harbors the feelings of love and enmity towards the each other.
A Love Hate Relationship comes into existence when two people who were deeply in love with each other develops a feeling of hatred towards each other due to some reason or the other but is not being able to bid farewell to this relationship due to the affection or fondness that they had developed for one another in the years that they have been together.
A Love Hate Relationship develops when the realization dawns on a person that he/she does not enjoy his/her partner’s company and would prefer to call off the relationship and it is this feeling that gives rise to conflicts between a couple.
The couple therefore does not waver to express their hatred towards each other at the slightest opportunity that they get.
The word love comes into the frame, when inspite of all disputes the couple tries to the best of their ability to make their relationship work by remembering those happy as well as those special moments that they have spend together.
Nov
18
Posted by admin
1. He always calls at the last minute.
If he calls and asks you to go out at the last minute, then you might not have been his first choice — someone else may have cancelled on him, so now he’s asking you. Why else would he call you at six o’clock on a Friday evening and ask if you want to go out that same night? A guy who wasn’t playing games wouldn’t dare wait until the last minute to ask you out on a Friday night!
2. He never wants to go out.
Does he ask you to come over, or want to come to your place, but never wants to actually go out anywhere? Then he might be hiding. If he’s seeing another girl, then he might be afraid to run into her or her friends if you go out.
3. He’s always sending calls to voicemail.
If he constantly sends his calls to voicemail when you’re together, or he’s getting and ignoring a lot of text messa, he might be avoiding someone — like his girlfriend.
4. He doesn’t want you to meet his friends.
A guy who is serious about you will want to introduce you to his friends and family, and will want to meet yours.
5. He doesn’t want you to stay.
If he never wants you to stay the night, or to stay at your place overnight, he might have somewhere else, or someone else, he needs to spend the night with. Like a wife or girlfriend.
6. He freaks if you leave anything behind.
If he does let you stay the night, but freaks out when you leave a bobby pin or an earring or a t-shirt, then he might be worried another girl will see those things. Otherwise, what guy would even notice if you left a hair pin behind?
7. He’s hot and cold.
One day, he seems deeply in love, crazy about you, totally into you. The next time you see him, he’s standoffish and distant. This is a sure sign of a guy who is playing games with you.
8. He won’t call you his girlfriend.
If he won’t call you his girlfriend, or introduce you as his girlfriend, then he doesn’t see you as his girlfriend. He sees you as someone he’s casually dating, or as just a friend with benefits.
9. He never talks about the future.
If you can’t pin him down on plans for the holidays or spring break or even next weekend, then he probably doesn’t see you in his life for that long. Player! Time to move on!
10. He doesn’t share.
You tell him everything, your hopes and dreams, your favorite color, EVERYTHING. But he won’t tell you anything! Is he mysterious, or a game-player? You guessed it. He’s probably playing games.
So annoying, right, ladies? I hate it when guys play games! But for every guy who’s a player, there’s another guy behind him who is courteous, gorgeous, AND into you! So move on!
Nov
14
Posted by admin
When we were children, we were taught it’s wrong to lie. I try my best not to do it, but my boyfriend was a master at lying.
Why do men lie? Who knows. But men lie. And here are some tips on how to know if a man’s lying to you.
1. He has an answer for everything.
If you catch him in what you think is a lie, but he always has an answer for your suspicions, then he may be lying to you.
2. He always hesitates before answering.
If he always has to wait for a few seconds before answering a question from you, then he’s probably lying. He needs the time to think of an answer other than the truth.
3. He fidgets.
If he won’t make eye contact, or he plays with his hair or taps his feet or shakes his legs or just fidgets too much when you ask him a question, he might be lying. Scientists look for this when doing polygraph tests.
4. He has to check with his friends to get his story straight.
If you ask him where he was last night, and he has to call his friends to get their story straight before he can answer you, then he’s almost certainly lying.
5. He talks about a “friend” who lies to his girlfriend.
If he has a “friend” who he says lies to his girlfriend a lot, and he laughs about it, he may think it’s okay or funny, and might try to lie to you, too. Or he’s pretending about the “friend,” and the liar is actually him.
6. He acts guilty.
If he acts guilty, then he probably has done something wrong. If he’s done something wrong, his first reaction may be to lie about it, either by not saying anything when you ask him what’s wrong, but by just plain lying about it.
7. He protests too much.
If you catch him in a lie, and he protests too much that he is innocent, and that you’re wrong, he probably was lying. If he wasn’t lying, he probably wouldn’t care so much, especially if it was something little.
8. He accuses YOU of lying.
When my ex-husband would get caught in a lie, he would either pretend I was crazy, or accuse ME of lying. He also accused me of cheating when he was actually the one cheating, but he almost ALWAYS did this when he was lying.
9. He lies to other people.
If he lies to his parents, his boss, or his friends, why would he tell you the truth?
10. He lies about little things.
If you catch him lying about little things, like drinking the last of the milk or eating your Doritos, then chances are, he’s lying about big things, too. Like, where he was last Friday night, when he was supposed to be with you.
11. He sends you to voicemail a lot.
If you call to check up on him, and he just sends you right to voicemail, he’s probably hiding something, and doesn’t want to answer your call because he doesn’t want to risk you catching him lying.
12. Other people have told you he lies.
If his friends have told you that he lied to his ex-girlfriend all the time, or worse, if SHE tells you, then you should not trust him. Be careful! He may be lying to you, too!
Yes, men lie. But now that you know how to tell is he’s lying to you, you’ll be able to know right away when he does. You don’t need a lie-detector test!
How do you know when your man, or your ex, is lying to you? Guys, how do you try to fool your girlfriend when you’re lying? Do share!
Oct
01
Posted by admin
We all know exactly what it is like to be certain we have let go of something sorrowful or worrisome, only to find ourselves in a similar sad situation moments later.
Dropping this person and picking up that person doesn’t end the loneliness that drives us into dead-end relationships. This isn’t letting go. We have only managed to put the emptiness on hold.
Changing jobs to get away from someone or something that sets us off doesn’t cancel our conflict. This just delays the inevitable angry feelings that always surface whenever we feel threatened. Our anger cannot keep us safe from an insensitive world — this anger is the insensitivity itself.
Now, here’s the greatest secret on earth: the truth is that genuine letting go is very simple and, above all, natural; as natural for you and me as it is for a tree to shed the heavy, sun-ripened fruit that clings to its branches. Why? Because both man and tree, in fact all living things, are created to drop what is no longer needed.
For the tree, the falling fruit carries its matured seed to the ground. No unnatural force is necessary. In a similar fashion — that is to say, under higher but equally exacting laws — these same friendly forces are waiting to do for you what you haven’t been able to do for yourself. You need only learn to cooperate with these powerful and timeless principles to be able to let go of any emotional bitterness, relentless regret, anxious worry or troubling thought. The rest will be done for you.
This is what the secret of letting go is all about. First must come the understanding that we are still carrying around the accumulated defeats of a lifetime and that these weary weights have only served to make us someone sorry, not someone special.
This initial shock may shake us, but it is really a major breakthrough. It heralds the first in a series of miraculous self-separations in which we begin to see that we have been living from an unseen part of ourselves: A self that thinks clinging to wreckage is the same as being rescued!
Now we understand why all of our past efforts to let go have only left us holding a new problem. But now we also know, at last, exactly what it is that must be dropped. We must let go of this sorry self that is certain it is better to suffer and feel like someone than it is to just let go and quietly be no one. Have no concerns how this task will be accomplished. That is Reality’s responsibility.
This higher knowledge that is now beginning to reveal you to yourself is not mental. It is coming to you from a lofty, wise and powerful part of yourself which lives way above everyday thinking and its ceaseless conflict over what may or may not be best.
Your newly awakening inner-nature knows what is best for you because it sees life without the painful confusion and contradictions that always accompany compulsive self-interest. For instance, this higher intelligence knows that you don’t need to ache even when you are sure you must.
Once you have made contact with the still secret self within, it does the rest. That’s right. It is this higher part of yourself alone that has the strength and wisdom to gently open your hand so that out of it may drop all that has been making you unhappy.
Believe me, you are on the verge of the single greatest discovery any human being can make. The secret of letting go not only holds the keys for ending what is unwanted, but locked within this same supreme secret is the beginning of your New Life — the birth of a new nature that never has to hold on to anything because it is already everything.
Dare to proceed. Let the following special insight speed you on your way: Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realization that holding on hurts.
Sep
01
Posted by admin
Flirting is a fun, social and healthy human behavior. It is a way we introduce our existence to others, express our self-confidence and let others know that we find them attractive. Even though it is an overall harmless behavior, flirtation seems to be a problem in most relationships. People find it offensive and disrespectful, as well as causing them to feel jealous. There are ways you can deal with your partner’s flirtatious ways without having to end the relationship or argue on a regular basis, by understanding the reasons and meanings behind your partner’s flirting.
Okay, so you would rather have your partner not flirt at all. This may be what you want, but not necessarily what you are going to get. We all want to feel special and like we are the only one our lover has eyes for, but the truth is, your partner’s eyes have a right to explore whatever or whoever it is around them, as do you. Being in a relationship never means that you own your partner or can start changing things about them, which is why it is so essential that you study your partner’s personality, attitudes and habits while you are still in the dating process and before you decide to have an official relationship.
What you should focus on is the reasons behind your partner’s flirting. It could very well just be that your partner carries a high and self-confident personality, and chooses to express that confidence through flirting, as many people do. If this is the case, then you were probably already aware of your partner’s confidence when you met him or her, but just grew less fond of it as you grew more emotionally attached. In these cases, it would be best to get in touch with your own self-confidence to prevent insecurity, and learn to accept your partner’s personality.
Maybe your partner’s flirting has a deeper meaning behind it other than just a high self-esteem. Unfortunately, sometimes our partners will flirt because they really are attracted to other people and it could damage your relationship, depending on how much it bothers you. Being attracted to other people does not necessarily mean that your partner wants to go and cheat on you with all those people. Being attracted to others could mean that your lover is simply acknowledging the good looks that another person carries and stops it at that point. Attraction does not always create a temptation to cheat and you should allow your security to grow on this fact.
If the flirting truly bothers you and you find that you cannot continue a relationship that includes such behavior, then the best thing you could ever do is be straightforward with your partner. Having an honest and open discussion about it will be of much more help instead of you just getting angry and bottling up your feelings and blowing up later down the road when you have reached the ultimate limit. Tell your partner that you feel disrespected and hurt when he or she pays attention to other women or men. Asking them why they feel the need to flirt will also paint a clearer picture for you, with a clear answer from them of course. Without giving your lover ultimatums, tell him or her that you have tried to adapt to it but just cannot and you would love it if the two of you could meet somewhere in the middle.
You teach people how to treat you and the relationship, and by keeping quiet over the things that bother you, like flirtation, you will only cheat yourself and your partner from experiencing a relationship you both deserve. It is obligatory that you always continue to be honest with yourself and your lover about the feelings you feel and thoughts you think. Sometimes you will not always get the results you were hoping for. Perhaps your partner will never stop flirting with other people, and though you cannot change your partner’s personality and habits, you can change a situation that causes you unhappiness.
As the person who has committed to be in a relationship with you, your partner should always care about how you feel and think about the things that transpire in your relationship. They would never want to continue doing anything that would make you upset, disappointed, jealous or insecure in any way. This means the flirting as well. Your partner cannot change who they are, but they can show their interest and care about how you feel and can put in the best effort they can to make you feel better. Still, if they refuse to change or try to lessen their flirtatious activities, then perhaps it is time you re-think of whether or not this is the right relationship for you.
Dealing with a flirtatious partner can be easy or it can be extremely stressful and damaging to your self-esteem. It all depends on your personality as well. To determine what is best for you, you must get in touch with yourself and ask the questions necessary for you to find the best answers. If you do not want to lose your partner but do not like the flirting, then you need to make a choice to either learn to accept this side of his or her personality, or exit the relationship and find someone who will not arouse your jealousy and insecurity. Only you have the power to take control of what you will and will not take in a relationship.
Aug
20
Posted by admin
How do you know when it’s time to say goodbye to a relationship? In any intimate relationship-especially in a marriage-it’s not a good idea to let a doomed partnership drag on, simply to avoid the pain of a breakup.
Signs of Trouble
There are some warning signs that your relationship is in trouble. If you recognize any of these signals in your own partnership, you may have some work to do to get things back on track.
- Your life priorities have changed significantly. Major life changes often force people to reconsider what’s important, and this can make a once-healthy partnership lose its bearings. A near-death experience such as a serious accident or illness, being unexpectedly fired from a job, or losing a family member can cause anyone to reevaluate his or her life and decide to make some changes. Everything looks different after such an experience, and some things lose their meaning. When this happens, these new ways of seeing things must be addressed, since it’s unlikely that such changes will just disappear.
- The arrangement still works, but the passion is missing. Lots of doomed relationships manage to work-for a while. But when neither partner has any genuine enthusiasm for the relationship, it may be in trouble.
- You no longer trust your partner. After a partner has broken the bond of trust, it can be difficult to get it back. If your partner has had an affair or was irresponsible with a large amount of money, it is understandable that you feel angry and hurt. Over time, these wounds may not heal. Broken trust can cause serious harm to a relationship, and, if it is not healed, the relationship may not recover.
- Your partner’s lifestyle or values clash with yours. It is difficult to sustain a long-term relationship when you and your partner do not agree on some of life’s most basic things. If you want to make and save a lot of money, but your partner seeks a simple life and would be happy living in a small house with few luxuries, this is a potential problem. If your partner seeks excitement and wants to be around people most of the time but you are basically a loner who prefers solitude, you may find yourselves growing apart. You may have been attracted to each other in the beginning because you brought each other some balance, but, over the long term, the very things that drew you to each other may doom your relationship.
Deciding to end a relationship can have enormous implications. If you are married, have children, own a home, and share finances, leaving your partner can be very complicated and will affect everyone in the family. It is important to make such a decision thoughtfully and for the right reasons.
More Warning Signs
If your partner regularly does one or more of the following things, you have good reason to be concerned.
- Behaves abusively with your friends and family
- Betrays your trust
- Breaks promises
- Cheats on you
- Does not challenge you mentally
- Does not support your goals in life
- Is extremely jealous without cause
- Is not financially self-supporting
- Opposes or ignores your thoughts, feelings, or concerns
- Physically abuses you
- Pressures you to have sex when you are not interested
- Resists your attempts to improve the relationship
- Shares your secrets with others
- Tells lies regularly
- Threatens violence
- Tries to isolate you from your friends and family
- Verbally abuses you or puts you down
These behaviors are very serious and potentially dangerous to you. If you are in a relationship with someone who treats you in any of these ways, you should seriously consider seeking the assistance of a mental health professional.
The Impact of Stress
Stress can make it harder to decide what to do. If you are questioning your relationship and have problems with money, are stressed at work, or the kids are acting up, deciding what to do becomes even more difficult. It’s important to take your time and resist the temptation to make a fast decision that may later turn out to be the wrong thing for you.
Tips for Making Good Relationship Decisions:
- Take your time making any important decision such as whether to end an important relationship. Even though you may feel confused and indecisive, it is important to recognize that this situation requires a deliberate and careful decision-making process.
- Making a relationship decision calls for both instinct and logic. It’s important to trust your gut, but don’t lose track of reason.
- Look at the issues from different points of view.
- Consider the immediate and long-term implications of each option (staying or leaving), including the impact of each on other people in your life.
- Consider the worst- and best-case scenarios, as well as the possibilities in between.
- Give your relationship every chance to get back on track before you call it quits. Ask yourself if you have really tried everything. If you have, and it still isn’t working, it may be time to move on.
Seeking Advice and Support
Involving a few trusted friends in your decision-making process can help you avoid the tendency to rush into a decision and hurry to get it over with. Consulting others helps you step back from the situation and see it in a broader context. While it is more difficult and time-consuming, getting the advice and support of others can help you reach a better decision about whether to end the relationship. This is true for relationships or any other kind of decision.
You may decide to work with a professional counselor or therapist during this process. This is strongly advised if you are in an abusive relationship. A licensed, experienced professional can help you sort out the issues, help you see things you may not be aware of, and give you feedback on how you are seeing things. Involving an objective outsider can be a smart move because you can feel free to say everything that is on your mind without worrying about offending someone you care about or being judged for your thoughts and feelings.
Finally, if you decide that the relationship should end, minimize the chances for emotional fallout by planning how, where, and when you will deliver the news. When making such an important change in your life, it is better to set aside spontaneity in favor of being slow, deliberate, and certain.
Aug
06
Posted by admin
It’s practically impossible to go through life without being hurt by somebody. Most of us humans have a hard time letting go of such injuries and carry these scars of pain, resentment and anger with us for months, years, or even a lifetime.
Forgiveness can be a difficult concept to understand. I often hear, “If I forgive her, then she got away with what they did”. Or, “Forgiving him would mean I accept what he did to me.” My response to this: “So, not to forgive is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn’t do to you) and expecting them to die!”
In reality, forgiveness is not letting the person of the hook for what they did or didn’t do, it’s releasing the barbed hook that continues to cause you pain and suffering so your wound can heal. Forgiveness is one of the greatest acts of self love you can do.
Think about it…Anger, resentment and pain take a lot of energy. When there’s more energy going out than coming in, you are operating from an energy deficit. This sets you up for depression, disease, and/or chronic physical pain. If you are continuing to harbor “ill feelings” towards someone, who are you really hurting? YOU! So, I ask you, is this person worth all this energy you continue to give them?
Now you might be asking, “OK, I understand that forgiveness is something I do for me and my own healing, but how do I go about forgiving someone if all if feel is anger and pain when I think about this person? The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a perfect tool to use to get you to a place of forgiveness.
EFT can collapse the energy disruptions that trigger the emotional toxins when tuned into the hurtful event. When you no longer feel angry and resentful, you can gain objectivity and emotional distance from the event. This clarity will often lead you to a new perspective. Mostly pain begets pain. Whenever you have been the one who has been the source of pain for someone else, it is because you were in pain, right? When you recognize the person who hurt you must have been hurting terribly themselves, forgiveness comes much easier.
Jul
29
Posted by admin
The pattern is all too common. One moment your relationship is riding a wave of warmth, love and intimacy. But the next moment coldness, anger and blame creep in.
What is happening? Is it something that signals a serious underlying problem, or is it just the natural ebb and flow that accompanies the cycles of love?
Often we are too close to really understand what we’re going through. But we recognize that we need help. But then, just as we decide to move in that direction, we decide to put it off. This yo-yo pattern repeats itself and we are once again at a loss to explain what is going on.
How do you know when your love life is on a crash course? For starters, there are common signs that can be clues. Once you identify them, you’re on the road to better understanding.
The common signs of a troubled relationship are:
1. Decrease in sexual passion
2. Bickering
3. Avoidance
4. Jealousy
5. Depression
6. Less time spent together
7. Anxiety
8. Dependency
9. Manipulation of family members
1. Decrease Sexual Passion
There is a natural waxing and waning of passion that occurs in every relationship, but what we’re talking about here is something else. While stress, fatigue and other pressures can creep between the sheets, there is no place for anger. When you find yourself shut down to your partner’s advances, it’s time to pay attention.
2. Bickering
In order for your love to stay fresh and healthy, you must be able to talk about both simple and complex feelings. When bickering replaces conversation, nothing gets addressed and nothing gets resolved. Instead, tension builds and a power battle takes over. Anger and blame follow.
3. Avoidance
Like it or not, straight talk is healthy. Without it, you will lose your boundaries and values. We all have to stand up for something even when it is not received the way we had hoped. Real differences in a partnership don’t have to cause problems, especially when they are explored with respect. When you remain silent and stoic, and keep everything below the surface, repressed feelings become part of a toxic brew. Eventually they take on a life of their own.
4. Jealousy
You have to be careful about this warning sign. It’s confusing. Jealousy is a complicated emotion. It can mean many different things. The type of jealousy I’m referring to is unfounded jealousy, not jealousy that comes from watching a flirtatious partner about to make a conquest. Unfounded jealousy is something that appears without warning and disturbs the equilibrium of a relationship. This type of jealousy appears out of nowhere and can have little to do with infidelity. It is often a reflection of the loss of self- esteem and a deep sense of insecurity on the part of either you or your partner.
5. Depression
I have seen many people come into my office with depression. For the most part, they can’t figure out why they are feeling like this. They say they have a good life, and a solid relationship. But as they talk, they realize that many things are missing in their love life, things they don’t want to look at. Why? Because they fear that if they face the truth, that ultimately, they might wind up alone. They think they are better off not knowing. But in order to break the cycle of depression, one must be honest. As one patient told me, “Truth is my friend, it will guide me in a good direction.”
6. Less Time Spent Together
When is enough time together enough? Well, that depends a lot on your needs. Finding the balance between love, responsibility and other demands creates a continuous juggling act. We all experience that. But an abrupt shift in shared time patterns could be a warning sign that something is out of whack. Too much separation and not enough shared activities can create a void, making intimacy difficult to experience.
7. Anxiety
I think of anxiety as a warning sign in much the same way that I think of depression. A sudden increase in anxiety or a change in sleep patterns can indicate that there is an unresolved issue lurking in your unconscious that needs to be exposed. Since relationships are so important in life, there’s a big chance that anxiety is a red flag indicating that some aspect of your partnership needs to be examined.
8. Dependency
When you’re too dependent, the fundamental partnership is out of balance. If there’s too much dependency, a natural resentment brews. One person is likely to feel burdened, the other frightened by their neediness. It’s a “no win” situation. Equality is tossed out the window. The one in power often feels unappreciated and undervalued. The needy one frequently feels disappointment. Resentment grows and both partners feel judged.
9. Manipulation of Family Members
When you begin to manipulate and clutch at your children or others, your partner can easily be marginalized. A wedge can occur. Low-level family warfare can result. This can happen not only with children but with other family members, friends and even business colleagues. The result is that you and your partner are at odds.
I recognize the problem, now what can I do about it?
Relationships are enormously complex. There are no easy answers. Sometimes it may feel that it is too late, but in my practice, I’ve watched relationships flourish on very parched soil. Most issues can be resolved by honest dialogue and open conversations — conversations that require you to leave all your “ammunition” behind.
